Retrospect
by Anti-APTX
Summary: A phone call goes wrong and Conan is now reflecting on his mistakes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My first Fan fiction. Let me know how it was? Oh, and I don't DC.**

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Shinichi knew there would be hell to pay after that particular phone call.

As usual, their call involved more pauses and stammers rather than actual words. Both hesitant as to what to say. In the past, when they were face to face with each other, their conversations flowed, non-stop, jumping from one topic to another without a hitch. But not now. Now, the conversation started with a 'Hello, Shinichi?' and ended with shouts and exclamations.

This time wasn't any different, if one didn't count what Shinichi said to Ran and how Ran reacted to it.

The phone call had started pleasantly enough with soft 'Hellos' and had escalated to the normal banter they both enjoyed, even if they didn't admitted that to themselves, to the stammers and pauses, which were becoming quite familiar to both of them. Shinichi was waiting for the dreaded 'When are you coming back' question and he wasn't disappointed. By now, that question had become a ritual. But what he didn't anticipate was the statement that came after that question.

_'Looks like even I'm not enough to convince you to come back home.'_

That statement was absurd, irrational and the stupidest thing he had ever heard from Ran. And he didn't even take a breath to let her know that exactly. What ensued from there, one can certainly imagine. Ran shouted at him. Shinichi shouted at her. And the phone call disconnected a minute later.

Shinichi glared at the cell phone for a while, as if the wonderful piece of technology had personally angered him, and let out a frustrated sigh. He ran his fingers through his hair, cursing himself and his stupid luck to land him in a situation like this. To land himself into the body of his seven year old version once again while his mind stayed that of a seventeen year old.

Suddenly, mini Shinichi, also known as, Conan, started walking. He knew that thinking in that certain path was only going to make him more angry and Conan couldn't afford to be angry. The expression wouldn't look right on a child's face. He cringed at the word 'child.' How he hated this awful situation!

He knew that if he wanted he could start all over again from scratch. After all, the important people in his lives knew his true identity. That Conan was actually Shinichi. There wouldn't have been any problem. He didn't have many friends and those too weren't even that close to him. Going to elementary school again would have been a problem, with his intelligence surpassing the normal teenage brain when he was a teenager, elementary school would have been hell but he would have managed with Mitsuhiko, Genta, Ayumi and even Ai. Getting cases would have been a problem. But his father and even Hattori could have helped him with the brain teasers he craved time to time. Really, his life would have been easier if he would just accept the fact that Shinichi Kudo didn't live anymore.

But he couldn't. Not when the reminder that he was Shinichi and not Conan was there everyday in the form of a certain brown haired, azure colored eyes' girl. Not when the person who mattered the most to him didn't know that he existed besides her everyday. That he saw her determination to overcome her fears every time they would get the best of her, that he saw her smile when Shinichi would call her at his own will, that he saw her laugh at a certain memory involving her and Shinichi, that he saw her get angry when Shinichi would do or say something ludicrous.

But what killed him were the tears that would spring up from time to time in her eyes. He couldn't stand seeing her cry. The pain in his chest hurt too much when he saw her smile shakily at Conan, desperately trying not to let the little boy see her weak.

Conan swallowed harshly, forcing down the will to cry himself. He looked up and saw that he was back at the Agency. Abruptly the glasses of the Agency slid to the right to revel a certain Ran Mouri Conan had been thinking about. And much to his sorrow, he could see wet trails of tears on her cheeks.

_I've disappointed her so many times. It's nothing short of a miracle that she doesn't cut off all ties with me._

Swallowing down a lump that had stuck in his throat, he dragged his feet inside the Agency, afraid to see her haunted eyes and shaky smile again. He looked at her slumped form from the doorway and knew that Shinichi's 'disappearance' was really hurting her. Sometimes he wondered how she would react if he told her the truth. Would she cry? Be happy? Karate chop him to the stratosphere?

But nothing scared him more than the prospect of her never talking to him. That she would be so crushed by his lies that she would never want to see him willingly.

And if there was one thing that Shinichi or Conan couldn't live without, it was Ran. He would happily throw away his happiness if it meant that Ran would be happy.

With that thought in his mind, Conan started speaking, "Ran neechan?"

Hearing Conan speak, Ran quickly wiped her face and took a cleansing breath in, trying to resemble some normalcy. She turned around on her place and leaned against the window frame. She cleared her throat, hoping that her voice wouldn't break, and then whispered, "Yes, Conan?"

"Don't cry, please." Listening to the little boy's plea, Ran couldn't control her emotions. She let her tears fall slowly. Her composed expression gave way to her anguish and she crumpled.

Sobs released from her throat mercilessly. Conan's eyes widened at the scene. Ran never showed this kind of weakness in front of Conan. Yes, she cried in the privacy of her bedroom and sometimes when she thought she was alone but never like this. Her whole form shook with the sobs coming out from her. Behind Conan's glasses, Shinichi's heart broke. He never wanted Ran to experience anything that would make her sad or disappoint her. He always tried to make her smile, even when they both were kids. To him, Ran deserved all the good in the world. He knew this wasn't realistic but the man in him, who loved her couldn't help but hope the best for the person around whom his whole world revolved.

And right now, his whole world was crumbling. He knew that he had to make a big decision. He couldn't let Ran suffer through all this pain. He had to let her know about his true identity.

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**A/N: So, what do you think? Should I leave it here or continue? Review and give me your thoughts on it.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow! Thank You so much for the alerts, favorites, reviews and last but not the least, for reading the story. As a new writer in the DC fandom, getting this kind of response was very encouraging. **

**So, here's another one from me. For being the best readers ever!**

**Most Important: This is an edited chapters. The content's the same. I've just corrected what I saw was wrong. If there are any more mistakes, lemme know! **

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After a few minutes of more sobs being released from Ran and a chest pain so acute that it felt more like heart attack from Conan, the Agency was deathly silent. Apart from the heavy breaths liberated from Ran and quiet shushing from Conan, the surrounding was serene.

Nobody knew, including the seven year old kid and the seventeen year old teenager, that this serenity wasn't going to last long.

The pair was sprawled on the couch. Conan was absentmindedly stroking her hair with her hand, trying desperately to fill in the space in Ran's heart which was reserved for his seventeen year old self. Ran had curled on in herself with her hands balled at her chest, as if trying to hold on to herself.

The moment was nothing out of ordinary. Over the past year, with Shinichi gone, Ran collapsing into tears from time to time was usual albeit extremely painful for Conan. But even at her worst, she looked like an angel. She was that one pure thing in Conan's life that he did not dare to ruin her with his deepest, darkest secrets.

But it didn't matter, did it? She was getting ruined either way. By not telling her the truth, he was saving her in the physical sense but killing her on an emotional level. By telling the truth, he would save her on an emotional level but literally allow her to get slaughtered because of the mess he created.

_Well, isn't that wonderful? I lie and she dies. I speak the truth and she dies. Why can't I catch a goddamned break from all the killing? _Conan thought snidely to himself.

"I should go and start preparing dinner for Dad and you. You must be hungry, Conan." Ran's whispered voice wafted over the Agency. Conan looked up at her face and saw an embarrassed smile on her face, as if apologizing for breaking down.

She started to stand up but Conan's hand encircled her wrist and he stated in a clear voice, "The evening hasn't started yet, so it makes no sense to make dinner now. Your Dad is not here. He has gone to your mother's house to fight over something inconsequential. And no, I'm not hungry. I left home an hour ago and you made sure that I was well fed. So, you might want to stop lying to me and not run away so that you can _properly _let your emotions out when I'm not looking. Which is absurd, by the way, I always know what you're feeling."

Ran, who hadn't got the chance to even stand up, was twisted on the couch to look at Conan's stretched form with his eyes closed. She was gaping at him with her mouth open. It was times like this one which made her doubt that Conan was an ordinary child. The mater of factually tone, the words, the way he spoke those words, all those little things reminded her of someone else she knew better than herself.

Shinichi.

Ran felt her brows furrow. Anticipating the next lines to come from Conan's seven year old mouth.

'I heard that on TV, Ran nee-chan. I spoke like those people who fight crimes and save people, didn't I, Ran nee-chan?'

She waited patiently for it. For the words to come from him and shred her heart into more pieces until it was unrecognizable.

Meanwhile, Conan's mind was spinning in circles. He hadn't meant to say what he said the way he said. He had just wanted to stop her from running away from him.

_Shit, what have I done? I need to smooth it over. _

_Or you could start telling her the truth she deserves. After all, you have really created an astounding opening for yourself. _A part of his mind retorted back. Conan was sure it was his conscience.

_But how can I? I've lied time and time again to her. Right now, I can't even understand what's right and what's wrong for her. I am in this so deep that I don't see how it's possible to come out of it._

_Oh, what a lot of crap! You know you're not telling her the truth because you're afraid._

_I'm not afraid of anything. _His mind stated stubbornly.

_You are. You are afraid that she won't believe you. You're afraid that if she chooses to believe your story, she won't ever believe in you. You're afraid that she'll be her selfless self and try to save you and in that process get herself killed. _

His mind couldn't come up with a response to that. It _was _the truth. He _was _afraid of all those things.

_Do yourself as well as her a favor. Tell her the truth, for once. _

Conan slowly opened his eyes, abruptly fearful to look into her navy blue eyes. He took a deep breath in and looked at his right where Ran was looking confused with his tirade a few moments ago.

He opened his mouth to let the words come out. But he, himself, didn't know whether the words would be the truth which were killing him each day or the lies that he would muster up.

He hoped fervently it was the truth.

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**A/N: There you have it. I hope you liked this one. I don't know how the next chapter will unfold. So, no promises of anything.**

**Thank You for reading. Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: It's been a long time, huh?**

**I want to thank **_**hislips, Yoyo Illuser **_**and **_**marimet **_**for giving me their wonderful views on my story as well as for letting me know my mistakes. Thank you for that again, **_**Yoyo Illuser**_**! :)**

**And a big hug to all the people who read, follow, favorite and review this story. You guys make writing worthwhile!**

**And now, let's see what's happening with our favorite couple, at least, my favorite couple! ;)**

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"I am not Conan." The seven year old, who clearly looked like Conan, whispered.

Ran's brows furrowed, her heart started thumping so loudly she could feel like it was going to claw its way out of her chest and her breathing accelerated. She listened to his words but didn't comprehend them. Or rather, didn't want to comprehend them. Why would he lie to her, right? There was no reason, whatsoever, for a seven year old to lie about his identity.

Unless, he wasn't a seven year old.

She gulped, trying to dislodge the lump that was stuck in her throat. No, that's not true. He _was _a seven year old boy. He _was _Conan. The alternative was too tough for her to bear. After what seemed like a thousand lifetimes to Conan, Ran smiled a little shakily at him.

"Conan, that's not a good joke. You shouldn't lie to others about your identity. They will get confused." She spoke as an adult would to a child. She spoke as if a part of her mind wasn't screaming at her to see what was clearly visible for her to see. She spoke as if she didn't feel in her heart that who he really was.

After all, there was no way _he _would lie to her about such a humongous thing. And anyway, how is it possible, that a person could get younger, as in 'his body shrinks' younger? It wasn't scientifically possible, was it? No, of course, it wasn't.

Conan sat patiently on the sofa, his heart beating wildly. He had the perfect chance to blow the topic off. He could act and smile and give her a plausible childish reason that she would believe. But he couldn't. Not after all the heartbreak he saw this afternoon. Wouldn't it be better for her to know the truth?

He was about to find out.

"No, Ran. Don't do this. You know that I'm not kidding. You know what my true identity is. You've always suspected it, haven't you, Ran?" His voice had lost the childlike quality. He talked like an adult. He talked like…

"Shinichi?" she breathed out as if she was scared to be hopeful. The word was out. There was no turning back.

Conan, who was sitting patiently all this time, knew that Ran would figure out. And now, that she had, it was his responsibility to let her know the rest of the story.

Funny, how he wasn't even considering that he may not come out alive after this conversation. How he didn't even speculate that Ran would probably cut him into pieces and dump his body in a river, or at least think about cutting him. Because at the moment, he wasn't important. The person, the girl, who was watching him with scared yet hopeful eyes, was. And he would anything in his power to make her happy. Even if it killed him.

"Yes, Ran, I'm Shinichi." The little boy murmured. He decided to stick to simple answers and declarations for now. He would have plenty of time to disclose his secret in depth.

Ran had heard his answer. That much was apparent from the rate at which she was inhaling. Tears gathered in her eyes and she gasped, trying to force the oxygen inside her aching lungs. But it wasn't only the lungs that were aching. Her chest was tight, as if it was folding into itself. The pain that came with every beat of her heart was palpable. She hadn't felt anything like this ever in her life. She tried to recognize what those feelings were.

Anger. Distrust. Hurt. Betrayal.

Conan flinched as he saw the betrayal lace her beautiful features. He hurried to explain himself. "Ran, you have to understand that I've always, always, had you in my mind as my first priority. I _had _to keep you safe! I couldn't have let you get killed because of me!" he spoke passionately, "I…I know how it looks, Ran but please, you have to understand my view too. I was stuck in a rock and a hard place. I couldn't decide what to do, Ran."

Ran blinked, trying to calm herself down. She closed her eyes for a few seconds and swallowed as if her mouth was dry. She breathed for a few seconds with her eyes closed, tramping all her feelings inside but it wasn't happening. She smiled bitterly to herself as her heart kept on breaking into tiny pieces.

After a little while, she opened her eyes when she was sure that Conan, or rather, Shinichi, wouldn't be able to read her emotions. And he couldn't. He tried to gauge her expression but there was nothing to gauge. Her face was blank, a cool, hard mask. Even her eyes didn't reveal anything. They were cooler and harder, if it was possible.

Shinichi could feel his heart cracking. This expression didn't belong on her face. He itched to claw that expression out and bury it somewhere far away from her reach so that she never had to use it.

His lips parted, desperation marring his feature. He _had _to make her understand! He knew he couldn't survive without her and frankly, he didn't want to. There had to be a way to make her see that whatever he did was for her wellbeing. He had to make her realize that he was nothing without her. That the cases didn't mean anything if she wasn't there to cry about somebody's demise or listen to his babble after he had solved it. That his life was incomplete without her by his side. He had to make her understand, there was no other option. He simply refused to not have Ran in his life.

Ran stared at his face and saw the anxiety and despair in his eyes. As much as she wanted to take comfort in the fact that Shinichi was suffering, she couldn't. She wasn't a malicious person. Even if he had hurt her so much that she couldn't even properly breathe, she couldn't see her Shinichi so hopeless. So she threw him a lifeline. A lifeline that could make or break them.

"Start talking."

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**A/N: I know it seems cruel that I've ended it here but I wanted your guys' opinion. Do you want the whole explanation or should I skip that part where he reveals everything?**

**Let me know and I'll work on the part which won the popular vote. Review! **


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okaaay. So half of you are for the explanation and half of you are against. How about fifty-fifty? And it's all Ran's thoughts in the first half.**

**Oh, and fair warning, Ran's all over the place in this chapter and it's a rollercoaster of emotions.**

**See you at the bottom!**

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_Tropical Land. Two men in black suits. A pill. Shrunken body. Conan's first appearance. The walk to Ran's home. Cases. Gadgets. Secrets. Vermouth. Gin. Vodka. Black Organization. Murders. Kidnappings. _

It was an ongoing loop in Ran's mind. The truth was bared in front of her. And all she could do was stare. Somewhere inside her brain, she noted that Conan aka Shinichi was still talking with his knees on the floor, her limp hands in his tiny ones and his blue orbs burned with sincerity as he spoke every word.

"… I couldn't leave you alone, Ran. Not after…"

But she wasn't listening. Her mind was running in circles. That goddamned loop never ended. It was getting harder to breathe. There wasn't enough air in the room.

"… and then Haibara told me about the Apotoxin and I was so damned angry…"

Yes, angry. There was not an ounce of doubt in her that she was angry. But a stronger emotion overpowered the anger. It was betrayal. She couldn't fathom _how_ Shinichi could lie to her and that too about his identity.

"… I decided that it was best to keep you out of this. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you because of me…"

Well, that was too bad for him, wasn't it? _Something _did happen to her. Heartbreak happened to her. _He_ happened to her.

_Heartbreak. Huh! And here, I thought that it just happened in novels and movies. _

The crushing weight in her chest, the blurred vision and the feeble attempts of trying to get some oxygen into her body. All signs of heartbreak.

"… Ran, you have to understand that with the Black Organization…"

The Black Organization. Supposedly believed that it has existed since the better half of the century. They are a group of liars, frauds, cons, thieves, murderers, intellectual individuals, exceptional actors and actresses, big business tycoons, political leaders and members of intelligence agency from all over the world. They are a group of most influential people who are after one ultimate inconceivable goal, immortality. All this knowledge was courtesy of Shinichi, who was still babbling.

"… and when they tried to _kill_ you, it became all the clear to me…"

Clear that she had to be kept in the dark. Because she was such an idiot who couldn't handle knowing Shinichi's burden. Because she couldn't help him. But a seven-year old genius scientist could. Ai Haibara, whom Ran had thought was shy, just-finding-herself-a-place-in-the-world girl, was a genius scientist.

_Well, it is very obvious, I guess. Shinichi is a highly intelligent person. Of course, a girl with the same intelligence level with inner information about the Black Organization would be more trustworthy than me. _

"… Ran, I never meant to hurt you, ever…" he trailed off.

And Ran couldn't help herself. "Oh, but you did, Shinichi." The words were cold, biting and they had the effect which Ran was hoping for.

Conan's aka Shinichi's face crumpled and he looked upwards to see Ran's face and gasped when he saw tears shining in Ran's blue eyes. The cool, hard mask had finally slipped. A bitter smile crawled up her lips and she looked directly into Shinichi's eyes.

His eyes were his journal, or at least, they were his journal for Ran. He could hide whatever he was feeling by opening his mouth but his eyes always gave him away. Even as Conan, Ran had no difficulty in reading his eyes. Every thought, every emotion shone through his azure eyes and she was always left wondering how it was possible for any person to have such expressive eyes.

And now, they expressed desperation, hope, sadness, anguish and fear.

Shinichi knew that there weren't any words to make up for what he did to her. Any apology in the world wouldn't even come close to what she deserved from him. But he had to try. He knew that there was no chance in hell that she would forgive him in the near future but he was ready to grovel and beg his whole life, if it came to her.

The words which came out of him were sincere and heartfelt as were his eyes which spoke more than his words. "I'm so, so sorry, Ran."

Ran let out a miserable sniffle and a tear crawled down her cheek. Shinichi attempted to wipe it but his hand stopped midway when he saw Ran flinch away from him as more tears ran down her cheek. As for him, his heart was getting shredded with Ran's every little action.

"Are you really sorry, Shinichi?" she asked quietly.

He inhaled sharply and was abruptly furious. He knew that it wasn't his right to be angry but what she asked was the most insane, stupid, downright absurd question he ever had heard from any human being! It even surpassed what she had said to him on the phone. _'Looks like even I'm not enough to convince you to come back home.'_

How could she even suspect that he _wouldn't_ be sorry? Hell, he could and would punch anybody who dared to make her cry. Her happiness was his utmost priority. He lived for her smile and laughter. Seeing her cry over him was his own personal hell but he studiously ignored the burn in his chest every single time she cried and consoled her to see her beautiful smile. How could she even doubt that he wasn't hurting as much as she was.

Their eye contact was still maintained and Ran could see anger lurking around his eyes but she also saw pain and was unexpectedly happy about it. If he was angry about her question, then that meant he did care about her, right? She idly wondered whether she had turned into a masochist in the past hour. After all, hurting him was the same as hurting her.

His voice was low and dangerous when he answered, "You seriously think that I'm not hurting about all of this? That this is all just a big game to me? What the hell, Ran! You know that I could do anything, absolutely _anything_ to keep you safe! If it meant killing anybody, I would gladly do it in a heartbeat without even thinking about it. If it meant taking a bullet to get you out of harm's way, I would do it. There's nothing and nobody in this world who could ever mean to me as much as you do." Ran's eyes widened when she heard him and swallowed thickly when she did see the truth of the statement in his eyes. He was serious. He was absolutely serious about it.

She felt shamed for suspecting him in the first place. Ran knew that Shinichi thought of her as his best friend and he would do anything for his friends and family to keep them safe. She just was so confused about this turned-into-a-kid situation that she couldn't differentiate between the truth and the lie.

His eyes had turned soft when he saw Ran's confused expression. At least, she had stopped crying.

"Ran," he whispered.

She answered thickly, "Yes?"

He swallowed painfully. He couldn't believe what he was about to do. If his secret's exposure hadn't killed him yet, this would surely do the job. He took in a shaky breath and steeled himself to say the words. This was the day for all of his secrets to come out. All of them.

His heart was in his throat and fear suddenly gripped his mind. Ran saw this and instinctively took his hands in hers. It looked like some things were never going to change. Shinichi saw this and smiled a small smile at her. She returned his smile shakily as if encouraging him to speak.

And suddenly, there was no fear in his mind. If this girl could comfort him when he was afraid, after everything he had done to her, then she definitely was an angel. There was no way a simple human being could have such beautiful qualities in them, only angels did and angels deserved everything good.

With that thought, he mentally crossed his fingers and said with as much conviction he could muster up, "I love you, Ran."

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**A/N: That's all for now, folks. Did you like it? Give me your thoughts on it!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm so so sorry for the late update but my muse was gone. I tried getting into the groove once again and here's the result. I hope you like it. Tell me if you did or even if you didn't. All over the place alert by the way!**

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Ran's breath stuttered in her throat. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. There was a strange whooshing sound in her ears. Her heart was beating rapidly and her vision blurred.

_Did Shinichi turned Conan confessed that he loved her? _

"Did you… Did you just say that you love me?" Ran choked out with difficulty. The world was still not looking right to her. Everything was upside down.

She slowly ripped her hands away from his tiny ones, disbelief and incredulity marring her features. Conan's aka Shinichi's heart plummeted. He _was_ expecting this, he couldn't deny that but it didn't mean that it hurt any less.

He swallowed painfully and brought his hands to his sides, while whispering a soft yet confident, "Yes."

_It's okay. It's completely okay. I can't very well expect her to jump with joy after telling her everything. It's perfectly normal for her to be like this. Good, even. Yeah, it's good._

Yeah, nothing was going _good _for Conan and while he was desperately trying to calm his racing heart with false reassurance, Ran decided to speak up.

"You love me? _You freaking love me?_" Ran's voice held a bit of hysteria and scepticism, "You… you think that dropping something _huge_ as this and then declaring your love for me makes this situation all right? Do you _honestly _think that after you telling me this _god awful_ truth, you expect me to feel anything but lied to? Practically everyone close to you knew the truth, Shinichi. _Everyone! _Everyone but _me_!" Her breathing was ragged and she was close to shrieking her frustration out. Ran breathed a huge gulp of air and tried to calm herself.

After a few very painful moments, which seemed like an eternity or two to Shinichi, who masochistically wasn't dragging his eyes away from her face, saw her lips quiver and tears ran down from her closed eyes. Shinichi could feel his heart breaking for the hundredth time since the Black Organization fiasco had started.

She asked tearfully, "Why did you lie to me, Shinichi?"

He parted his lips and whispered, "Ran, please. You need to understand that I did everything to protect you. I know that my lying has hurt you. But frankly, I would rather see you hurt than to see you in a casket being buried six feet under. I… I love you, Ran and I know that this fact doesn't make up for all the hurt I've caused you but this is all I have." He took a deep breath to organize his thoughts and then continued, "Ran, I swear to you, you _are _the _only _person that I _wanted_ to know about the truth. But then, anybody who knew about my situation and the Black Organization's involvement told me to keep the truth away from you. You don't know how many times I almost blurted out the truth."

Meanwhile, Ran had started crying earnestly, without caring that Shinichi would see her in such a state.

"Ran, please. Stop crying. Hit me, be angry with me but please don't cry. Please, just don't cry," he whispered brokenly. "I've had a lifetime of seeing you cry over me."

She sniffled miserably and murmured, "Didn't you trust me, Shinichi? Didn't you know that I would never tell anybody about the truth? You chose to rely on everybody except me. Your childhood friend. Your best friend. Do you even realize how much you've hurt me? If I was the one hiding such a secret and tell anybody who crossed my path, about it except you, how would you feel?"

Shinichi imagined that scenario and told truthfully, "Hurt and angry."

She nodded at him with a small smile and said, "Now, do you see? Shinichi, I understand that you needed to hide from the Black Organization but why did you hide from me? I would have helped you."

Shinichi's eyes flashed and he looked at Ran's tearstained face. "That's the exact reason why I didn't tell you. How many times have you jumped in a sticky situation, without any thought of consequences, for the people you care about? For your friends? Your dad? Your mom? Even for Conan, whom you are not even related to. You don't think about yourself. And I couldn't risk it." He paused for a breath and stressed his next sentence, "I can't see you hurt because of me, Ran. I can't see you hurt, period."

Ran looked Shinichi in the eye and saw the truth for herself. He _was_ really worried about the fact that she could get hurt. She felt her anger deflate a little. As well as the betrayal. She tried to understand the situation from his perspective and couldn't help but realize where he was coming from.

If she was in the same situation as he was in, with the involvement of such a dangerous crime syndicate, she too, wouldn't have told the truth. Not when somebody she loved could get killed by knowing the truth.

She breathed through her nose and exhaled shakily. A small smile was creeping up her face and Shinichi couldn't help but feel a little optimistic when he saw that smile.

"I… I see why you hid the truth from me, Shinichi. I would have done the same if I was in your shoes but…" she trailed off, while Shinichi's heart had started beating painfully behind his ribs, hoping against hope that she would forgive him, "…I can't forgive you."

All hope left him and tears started to gather in his eyes. He couldn't fault her. Even if she did understand his situation, he _had _hurt her. Of course, it would take a long time for her to forgive him. If she ever did.

"I…," he cleared his throat, trying frantically to dislodge the painful lump which had formed in his throat and brought his eyes to the floor, "I… uh, appreciate that you realize my situation and uh…," he could feel the tears trying to run down his cheek, "… umm, I'll go now. Yeah, I should…uh, I should go. You need time to think about everything. Umm, thank you fo-," he was cut off by Ran's voice.

"You're an idiot, you know." Shinichi snapped his head up at Ran's teasing voice and saw her beautiful smile.

"What?" He couldn't understand what has happening. Didn't she just tell him that she wasn't going to forgive him?

"I said that you're an idiot. Your ears not working anymore, detective geek?" She said with a smile and tears in her eyes.

What? What was she saying? Was she thinking the same thing that he was?

She released a breath and looked at Shinichi seriously, "Shinichi, I can't forgive you now. The hurt is too fresh but with some time, I _will_ forgive you. You _are_ my best friend. And I can't honestly see my life without you in it." She blushed and said teasingly, "The past several months must have clued you in."

Shinichi couldn't help but smile with relief. She would forgive him. _She would forgive him!_ But then he grew sombre. "Ran, I swear to you that I'll never, ever lie to you about anything. I've put cases and mysteries before you time and again. It won't happen in the future. You _are_ my utmost priority now."

Ran smiled at his sincerity and picked Shinichi up by his waist, who was by then, still kneeling on the ground. She saw him blush and heard him stutter, "R… Ran, wh-what aaa-re y-you d-doi-ing?"

She smiled perkily at him when he was eye level with her and said, "I love you, too, detective boy."

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**A/N: How's it? Lemme know in a review! I don't know about you guys but in my mind, I see it happening this way. Ran's obviously not forgiven him and she **_**is **_**angry about the fact that he lied but that anger is overpowered by relief. I think it happens with everybody. You may be angry with the people you love but you are still relieved that they are okay. Get what I'm saying?**

**Anyway, gimme your thoughts on it. It'll be highly appreciated. **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: The next one! And calm down people, the story's not over yet.**

**And, oh my god, your reviews made me smile so big, my cheeks started hurting. Thank you for that! I hope you guys will continue making my cheeks hurt this way. **

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The seventeen turned seven year old boy was whistling happily with his fingers interlocked behind his head, walking towards Professor Agasa's house. For a day which had started pretty miserably, the end couldn't have been any better.

Ran knew the truth.

The young boy squealed excitingly, which wasn't very out of character for a young boy but those who knew the boy's identity, would have surely thought that he had lost his mind.

Shinichi couldn't believe that everything had turned out so well. The burden of guilt was now off his chest. Ran knew the truth.

_Oh my god, Ran knew the truth._

Yes, he wasn't acting like a mature seventeen year old but he couldn't care. At least, he had a reason to act like a seven year old child.

Shinichi was so ecstatic that even if Haibara would have told him that there was no permanent antidote, he wouldn't have cared at that point of time. It's not to say that he would have been drunk on joy about knowing that piece of information but yeah, he wouldn't have cared at that point of time. Later, sure but not then. Not while he knew that Ran loved him.

_Ran loved me. No, Ran _loves_ me. Oh my god, Ran loves me. She loves me!_

He let out a part giddy, part incredulous laugh. The mile wide smile seemed like it was permanently etched on his face. Nothing was going to bring him down.

He turned on the pathway leading to the Professor's house and walked inside without any preamble. He saw the Professor carrying a tray of cookies and Haibara sprawled on the sofa with a magazine in her hand.

He said happily, "Hey Professor," and took a cookie out of the tray to happily munch on it. He swallowed and then greeted Haibara, "Hi, Ai. What's up?"

He hummed cheerfully and jumped carelessly on the sofa with his one leg dangling in the air. The two scientists were flabbergasted with the change in the boy's attitude. Usually, by the time he had stepped inside the house, he would have asked about the antidote or would have been talking out loud about the case he was working on. So to say that the two scientists were surprised was a gross understatement.

They stared hard at him, trying to figure out what was out of place. The Professor voiced his thoughts and concerns, to be frank, first, "Shinichi, has something happened?"

The boy just hummed happily in answer, lost in his thoughts.

Ai looked at his giddy attitude and jumped to the conclusion, "I'm sure it's something related to that Mouri girl. He's never so happy when he has solved a case. Smug but not happy. And any change in his attitude, especially this kind of attitude, is most probably caused by Ran."

Shinichi was busy in his thoughts and hadn't listened to what Ai had said. According to him, his thoughts were much more important than whatever Ai was babbling about.

Professor Agasa glanced at the girl and then looked at Shinichi, who was still busy thinking and said secretly, "You might very well be right, Ai."

Shinichi sighed joyfully and said, "This is most probably, the best day ever!"

Yeah, there was no doubt in their mind that a certain Ran Mouri was the catalyst of the boy's mood.

"Shinichi? What has happened?" the Professor asked. Most of the time, when he came back from the Agency, he had a haunted, sad look on his face. This cheerful one surprised him.

"Yeah, something has happened." Shinichi answered. He breathed in and tried to control his excitement, "I told Ran the truth. Everything. From the beginning to the point where we are now on the Black Organization's case. And she understood everything. She understood why I lied." He took a breath in when he observed that he was speaking too fast. "I told her everything."

Utter silence met his confession.

"What… What did you say?" Haibara asked coldly after a few moments of silence. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. Kudo couldn't be such an idiot as to tell that Mouri girl the truth, right? She must have misheard.

"I told Ran the truth. Everything that has happened from the start when I left her in Tropical Land to where we are right now in the Black Organization case." Shinichi said gleefully, without noticing the increasing pallor on of both the scientist's face.

The young scientist strode across the room and reached the couch to fist Shinichi's shirt in her hand. She yanked his face to hers and glared menacingly at his now surprised face.

"I'm giving you one more chance to take back what you've said and declare it as a joke because the Shinichi Kudo I know wouldn't have done this reckless, absurd thing. The Shinichi Kudo I know wouldn't drag anybody knowingly in this messed up situation. The Shinichi Kudo I know would have respected my wishes when it came to spilling his guts about the Black Organization to any girl he looked at." Haibara finished with a growl. She breathed in to calm her racing heart and tried to console herself with false comfort.

Shinichi stared coolly at her and curled his fingers around her wrist and dragged her hands away from his shirt. He said angrily, "Firstly, Ran's not any girl. She's the girl I love. And for the past several months I've seen her cry, I've see her smile, I've seen her get furious and I've seen her breaking into pieces. Do you know the person behind those sentiments? It's me. With my one word, she does anything I ask her to. Do you know why? Because she trusts me. She trusts me to guide her. She trusts me that I'll always have her back. She trusts me to say the truth to her. And I've done nothing except for abusing that trust. It ends now, Ai. You can say whatever you want about me, but you'll keep Ran out of it." He told pointedly. "Contrary to what you and others say, Ran _is_ involved in the Black Organization case. Vermouth knows about her and who knows what she would have said about Ran to the other members. Bourbon has seen her and he knows that Ran is a big part of Shinichi Kudo's life; my life. And I would rather she knows about a situation she's involved in, even if she, herself, doesn't know about the role she plays in it." He let out a breath he was holding in and continued, "Ai, I absolutely refuse to have Ran's death on my hands. If I have to choose a single person I want to see alive and happy after this mess is over, it _will_ be Ran." The soft murmur carried a huge weight. A weight which broke Ai's heart into two.

Yes, Ai Haibara loved Shinichi Kudo. She knew that it was pointless. She knew that it would never end well on her part but she couldn't help it. Somewhere along solving crimes with him and helping him out, the stone cold scientist fell in love. Only to have her heart broken. She knew it would happen. Shinichi Kudo may be a little slow in the matters of heart but he was loyal. Once he fell in love, it was over. There would be no more girls in the world for him, just one. Just Ran Mouri.

With her heart clenching and her throat in knots, she stepped back away from him, composed herself and tried to speak, "Very well then, Kudo. But if she gets hurt, just remember, it's all on you."

Shinichi nodded seriously and said, "I will."

A clap and exclaim of joy burst the serious bubble. Both Haibara and Shinichi turned their heads to see Professor Agasa smiling. "Well, isn't that absolutely fantastic!" The Professor said, "Ran knows now and honestly, it makes me breathe a little easier. I see that girl as my own kid and it really killed me to see her worry over you, Shinichi. I can only imagine how you must have been feeling all this time. Lying to the girl you love and see her so sad, that must have been very hard for you, huh?" He teased Shinichi with a waggle of his eyebrows and a smirk on his face. He waited for Shinichi to blush but was pleasantly surprised when he nodded gravely.

Haibara had reached her limit by then and said in a bored tone, "When you both are done gushing over that girl, come find me. I'll be in my lab," and walked away with a heavy heart and a lump in her throat.

At least, facts and science won't bring her that pain that feelings gave her. Last she heard was Shinichi's upbeat tone and Professor Agasa's excited chattering as she closed the door.

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**A/N: How about it? Gimme a review! **


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